Weird Spam Mail

So here’s the first part of the email… the part trying to sell me something.


Bonjour,


Real men! Milllions of people aacross the world have already tested THIS and ARE making their girrlfriends feel brand new sexual sensatioons! YOU are the best in bed, aren’t you ? Girls! Developp your sexual relationshhip and get even MORE pleasuure! Make your boyfrieend a gift!


I took out the link to some random blogspot page. Yes, I am the best in bed and I usually make my girlfriend feel “brand new sexual sensatioons (sic)” but really, who clicks these things?


Now comes the truly interesting part.


I don’t have a girlfriend. Tell me how that works. Huh? Yeah? That’s what I thought. You got nothin’.


No, really now, here comes the weird part of it all.


And disputed thereon, desirous of vanquishing men, both possessed
of great might, encountered is there to make thee sorry
for this? Having saved splashing and whizzing around him.
it was then those points about which no directions are given.207
eyes were turned upon the clouds. That’s rather what i should
do and what i should not. And, o be worshipped, then o partha,
is the puissant yavakri in fright attempted to enter into
the vaikartana, in the battle, began to strike his thou
be a friend desirous of my happiness, do partha in battle.
i myself will slay partha with were lolling luxuriantly
on the punt cushions, one, i do not cast thee off! Stay
if thou canst! That it was a friar, who, with the hood of
his.


I swear, I have 28 of these emails. All selling something different and with some weird bit of text at the end. The hood of the friar’s what? I wanna know goddammit. The hood of his extraordinarily large member? The hood of this king snake? The hood of his what?! Finish the effing story!


Bonjour,


Present unforgettablle night to your belloved one,
imaginne yourselff as a Macho!


On just as simply as such homely, kindly, friendly a bohemia.
she was content now. She did not criticize. Robe and horseblankets
from the pile on the feedbox. Been the more painfully deepened
in him by the getting colder all the time and they would
certainly sooner cry nor laugh at the sight o’ that poor
bionijicojbs methods of recruiting might be worked in harmony.
his money with feder? Morris asked. Yow, he deposit of the
end a seed to sprout and some day with than any other man
that he was doing something regret, for the mayor’s wife
and i are not sympathetic soul to lift it, we may have a
combat in the lists!but areaaagcomdl the act was hedged about
with many precautions. Better facilities for giving you
the latest uptotheminute alarm. The window! For heavens
sake shut that.


Yes. A very homely, kindly, friendly bohemia. How I miss it!


By the way, here’s a not so random line from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, take completely out of context of course. That’s why it’s funny. It’s from “Scandal in Bohemia” or something.


I see it, I deduce it. How do I know that you have been getting yourself very wet lately, and that you have a most clumsy and careless servant girl?


Yes, you have been getting yourself wet with the servant girl, haven’t you Watson?!


Here’s to you sir!


Sir Arthur Conan Doyle